iTangled
by Mlle. Madeline
Summary: "This isn't normal." "I don't believe in normalcy." Sam and Freddie struggle with the nature of their relationship. T for language.


**iTangled**

Warning: Foul language and, with any luck, plenty of confusion straight ahead.  
>AN: I've been getting into Faulkner recently, so this is my angsty Seddie take on him. Please enjoy? :)

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><p><em>carlyi'msosorrybut<em>

This is wrong. I know this is wrong. I know the difference between right and wrong and I know this is wrong but I'm doing it anyway why I don't know I can stop I have stopped I don't want to stop I like it.

"We're being bad," you say, running your hand down my chest.

"I know," I reply, and kiss you.

And then we're kissing and fireworks are going off in my head like it's a fucking movie _boom _what the hell?

I pull away first _idon'twantto _and shake my head _idont'twanttostop _fiercely. "We've got to stop this. I don't want to, but we have to. This is gonna hurt more people than it should." _wealwayssayweshouldstop_

Sigh. Who sighed? I don't know if it was you or me or both or neither or if I imagined it does it matter not really a sigh is a sigh and it's all the same in the long run isn't it no but unless you know what the sigh meant it's irrelevant

_You don't love me; you love Carly_

_That's a lie and you know it_

_You're dating her_

_You don't want to date me_

_No_

It's wrong. We're cheating. And I'm trying to focus on that but your hands are in my hair and my mind is going blank of anything except you and this and now.

_I don't believe in love_

_idon'tbelieveinlove_

_love love love is a word it's just another four-letter word that doesn't mean anything_

_that's a lie and you know it_

_this is a lie_

"Why do we do this?" you ask me, sighing _there's that sigh again but this time it was you it was definitely you I think _deeply. You touch my face. "We both know it isn't right. We both have morals."

_Morals mean nothing when it's you and it's me and it's heat and there's nothing but you and me and heat and time time time what is time worth all you ever lose is time you never gain it it's only lost and once it's gone you can't get it back_

"I can't." _thisisnotright_

_ican'tstopithoughticouldbutidon'tthinkicannow_

"Can't what?"

"Stop."

You step away from me. _Stop that. Come back. Don't. Stay away._

"No." Groan. "Come back. Not stop as in stop, stop as in I _can't stop_."

I wish this would end. We're tangled in this web of lies and _oh my God it sounds so overdramatic _it's gotten so that I can't find my way out; my ball of yarn is just as twisted up in this maze as I am and as you are and as she is _she doesn't even know she's in a maze _

"What happened to you, Freddie?"

"What do you mean?"

"You were always the good one."

"I _was_."

"Well, what happened?"

"_You_ happened."

_I don't know anymore I don't know anything what happened to you what do you mean you were always the good one I was well what happened you happened you happened are you blaming me for what we're doing of course not it's just as much me as it is you then what are you saying I'm saying I wouldn't be me if it weren't for you you sound like such a sap I don't think it's sappy in the circumstance considering considering considering what considering this what this what do you think this what is this you tell me I don't know neither do I why are we here why are we here why are you you and why am I me what is the why what's the use of wondering whys and wheres and whos I don't know so what do we do we should stop we should but we never do and you keep on stop don't say it why not because saying it makes it true does it more so than not saying it carly carly carly_

She doesn't know. She can't know. You and I are _illicit oh God _keeping secrets again. This one is worse than before and she would just die if she knew even a hint of _illicit oh God _what's been happening.

"This isn't normal."

"I don't believe in normalcy."

"What are we doing?" What are we doing? There's no way this can end well. I step back, push your arms away from me, look at you. Brown eyes meet blue until I don't remember if I am you or if I am me and whose eyes I'm looking at.

_this isn't love_

_idon'tbelieveinlove_

_this is purely carnal_

_right_

Does that make it okay? We're satisfying our base animal needs with each other _Carly Carly I'm sorry I can't stop _and because it isn't an emotional connection, just a physical one, does that make it okay?

_no_

Does that make it less wrong?

_nononononoitdoesn't _

_thisisalie_

Then why don't you stop?

Just say the word and it's over.

_I can't you know I can't you know I won't_

_Neither will I_

In this we hurt more than ourselves. You know it and I know it and yet we are still doing _this _whenever we can _but you're dating Carly but you're Carly's best friend you're her best friend too _and even though we know it's wrong and we keep saying it's wrong we are still doing _this _whenever we can.

I've heard it said that forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest _it's so bittersweet _but it leaves a bitter taste in my throat afterwards. It's like drinking saltwater; it just leaves me thirstier. And it's like it's all I have to drink; I drink you like I'm drowning _I'm drowning in this maze _in saltwater.

"Sam, Sam."

"Don't say my name. It makes this real."

_It's real _I don't want to believe it's real because _how can you pretend it isn't real _when I believe it and give into the idea of you and me and this _it is real it is real _whatever it is exactly, that's when this deception and these lies become a reality _don't try to pretend anymore _and it's sickening but at the same time it's so fucking good _it's so fucking good _that when we're together I can block out the world _it's just us and nothing else when it's anything else I feel sick because I remember that she_

"I don't want to think about you cheating on Carly. You're dating Carly. You're with Carly."

_You don't want to date me_

_No_

_I don't believe in love_

_idon'tbelievinlove_

_that's a lie and you know it_

_this is a lie_

"And Carly's your best friend. I know, Sam. I know. You don't think I know? You don't think I feel sick after we do what we do because I'm with Carly but you're - "

"Stop it. Stop talking. Just kiss me again."

_When we're together we're an us and there's nothing else_

_ihatethis_

_The world disappears_

_CarlyCarlyCarly I'm sorry i'msosorrybut_

I can't help myself. I want to help myself, but then I see you and my resolve dies and even though I know the difference between right and wrong and there is no grey here _this is wrong _it's the forbidden fruit and I can't fucking help myself and even though we should stop, even though I should stop

_idon'twanttostop_

And when we're together it feels so right _this is wrong _even though I know it isn't. I want to believe it's right _this is wrong _so I block out the world because I don't want to stop _this is wrong_

I want you more than I've ever wanted anything.

_This isn't love_

_idon'tbelieveinlove_

_that's a lie and you know it_

_this is a lie_

It doesn't make any sense and it's so unbelievably twisted, because it's you and it's me and it's wrong and it's cheating and it's lying and it's heated _iwantittobelove _and it's wrong and I know it's wrong but I want it to be right _idon'tbelieveinlove _and I know it isn't and I know we should stop but I know we won't.

_carlyi'msosorrybut_

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><p>Soooo…what did you think? And what'd you think about iOMG?<p> 


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